"I just want to be loved."
These words were spoken to me by a client one day, the first day I met her actually. We had spent about four hours together talking about her life. She had turned 18 only two weeks before, and thus had been kicked out of her foster/adoptive home two weeks prior to our meeting.
This met my ears with a flood of emotion, and a flood of memories. Memories of moments where I have felt and known that I am deeply loved by a very real God. As I am writing this, I am coming to tears as I think about the depths of my soul where He has been and how He has healed those places.
Every female has those moments. Those thoughts in their heads. I'm not good enough. I'm ugly, unwanted, hopeless, and the worst . . . alone.
Throughout my walk with Jesus, trying to understand what it all means. What it means to know a God that created this world as a beautiful thing that glorifies Him, all while seeing fallness and anger and apathy all around me. How do you live that life? How do you sift through all of the crap and be joyful?
By believing truth. Not just memorizing words, not just flippantly saying "trust Jesus". . . but by taking the truth that is spoken so firmly and boldly in His Word and planting it deep in your soul so that it doesn't just touch the hurting place, but it takes root, it lays a foundation for further faith and deeper understanding to grow. And the very core of who you are - how you see everything and know everything to be is flipped on its head and you can't even view the world the same way anymore.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah. Psalm 46:1-3
This becomes reality. You still go through the storms, in fact - you may encounter more as your faith is refined and put through the fire of sanctification, but you see them differently. You understand them as a part of God revealing Himself to be Who He says He is. Hard days come, and as Jesus Himself wept, you weep in moments of confusion and hurt.... but your core is firm. Who you know yourself to be isn't shaken, because that truth is rooted in your core. A Heavenly Father that loves you never leaves the throne and your identity as His beloved child can never be revoked.
My eyes see everything differently. The very random flower on the plant I walk by on my way to work? Well, its placed there by a Creator who loves me - so why not consider it a gift from Him, reminding me of His love? For me. The unexpected trial of moving halfway across the country only to find out it was all part of a web of deception? A chance for Him to show Who He is and prove His faithfulness to me. (Which He very much did in a fantastic way.) The place where I understand who I am because of Who is in control is beautiful.
So we live life differently from that place. The weight of addictions....be it alcohol or drugs, or just the addiction of the 'being liked' by people fades away as we don't need the momentary bliss of it anymore. Do we enjoy moments of comfort, love and just plain fun with others? Of course we embrace those gifts...but we don't NEED to seek after them. Our needs are met. We are loved. We are completed by His love great love. Even on the tough days.