What I Found Cleaning

So I cleaned out some boxes today. . . boxes that have been packed since I moved from Scranton. In one of those boxes was a journal, one of my first where I was really honest with the Lord about my life and where it was going once I had committed it to Him. It was so eye opening to look and see the journey since that point.

I was a sophmore in college. I had started working with the Scranton ministry. . . it had only been a couple of months. This was a month before the summer where I drove two hours both ways just to attend the Wednesday program while I lived in Glenmoore.

Before falling in love with urban ministry.
Before meeting Ebony.
Before God took me on the crazy first parts of my journey.

I just love the answers to the prayers, and the identification of things He is slowly and faithfully working on in me.

April 5, 2003

I look to the future and I see so much space. Where will I live? Who will I marry? Where will I go? What will I do?

My Creator knows.

Swirling, whirling confusion - what do I do next? every step has questions and every turn a surprise.

My Creator knows.

I feel insecure with every move and every breath. I want the world to see strength when they look at me. So I hold all of the tears. These are the tears of impatience and striving. I work so hard and I see no change. I reach out my hand, but there is no one there to grab hold of it.

The future is a wide open white canvas. I am so excited to start throwing down paint and create beautiful pictures. My heart bursts for excitement to get started on the rest of my life.

. . . . But am I ready?