"You turned my wailing into dancing...you clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." Psalm 30:11-12
I listened to someone speak recently about how firmly we can pronounce our faith, stand strong in it - testify the strength of God without blinking an eye - and then when the storm comes - we panic. Like the disciples on the boat, who had just seen Jesus feed the five thousand, we FREAK out if the boat is rocking. We see our humanity, we see our weakness, but even more beautiful, we see His strength.
I new friend, through a series of long conversations said to me "You are so strong." This literally made me laugh out loud. I mean, seriously!!! I crumble when I face adversity, even something so small as someone who I will never know again does not like me - I want to cry when the wind blows too hard. So it made me think - PRAISE HIM! PRAISE HIM - because this girl is clearly not seeing me, she is seeing strength from somewhere else.
Since September, I have learned new depths of myself - and most upsetting, I have learned new depths of my faithlessness. I have seen women healed of infertility, injuries healed from prayer, lives changed by the Holy Spirit alone, and my own healing as well. Yet, when a storm came, and I could not see things clearly - I forgot about the plan, I forgot - mostly, about the love. So as I cling onto Him again - I remember who He is - and most excitedly, accept the grace for the time I pushed Him away.
Because as I look around at the change, I get SO EXCITED!!! People like Joseph, have to wait for years, even decades some times, to see how God works together for good, the things Satan meant for evil. I mean, since moving home, prayers have been answered before even prayed - and joy is abounding!
None of the current things would be possible without the pain, without the loss - but I also relearned some lessons that the Lord has been teaching me for years - GIVE OVER CONTROL - TRUST IN THE PLANS HE HAS - JUST EMBRACE THE GRACE AND BE TRANSFORMED BY IT!
And when these things are done, gosh - the laughter - comes so much easier - I have seriously been laughing so hard lately, my cheeks hurt more then not. Its great. Its joy - its trust. You must know the depths to know the heights - this is true - I just hope I remember this for the next storm :)